So Close to Me

So Close to Me
Nitzavim By :  Bronwen Mullin Performance Artist-in-Residence Posted On Sep 30, 2016 / 5776 | דבר אחר | A Different Perspective
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For the thing is very close to you, in your mouth and in your heart, to observe it.
See, I set before you this day life and prosperity, death and adversity.
(Deut. 30:14-15)

Listen to the song using the player above.

Lyrics:

You say it’s in my heart
Like my heart is less a mystery than the great expanse of heaven 1
You say it’s in my heart
Like my heart is less a threatening thing than the deepest darkest ocean 2
And my mouth is full of snares 3
I say such stupid things sometimes
And then when it really matters
No one’s listening
No one really cares
But it’s close to me, isn’t it?
One day I’ll get there…?
You say it’s in my heart
As if my heart is not a foreign land to be ravaged and conquered 4
You say it’s in my heart
As if her pillars and her altars smashed don’t rise again and now they’re stronger
And my mouth 5 follows my eyes
And with my mind, 6 all three uncircumcised
How can I know what really matters
I can see out
But not inside
Yet it’s close to me, isn’t it?
One day I’ll get there…?
Let heaven and earth witness
The human condition
Choose life or choose death
We’ve been given permission 7
Am I the only one who feels
Incompetent? Unrealized?
‘Cause wasn’t it just yesterday
That I was seeing thunder with my own two eyes? 8
And wasn’t it just yesterday
That I didn’t get my laundry done,
That I didn’t go out and do something fun,
That I got dumped, just another one?
And even the rooster knows the difference between the night and the rising sun! 9
But sometimes I don’t know
You say it’s close to me
Why don’t You just show me?
You say it’s in my heart
And You should know, because You know the heart You placed inside each one of us
You say it’s in my heart
That heart of stone which You engraved and will replace with one of flesh when the time has come 10
And my mouth could be an ocean 11
Filled with words You’ve placed inside it
Waves and tides ruled by the seasons
Of the moon
Its shadows you designed
It’s so close to me, isn’t it?
And You too are close to me, aren’t You?
So close we could kiss, isn’t that true? 12
So I cling as hard as I can, but I’m still apart, too?
I cling as hard as I can, but what should I hold on to?
And if I sing as loud as I can, will I disturb You?
Until I can finally hear the words myself, it may take a while
But I’m sure that won’t surprise You. 

[1] Deut. 30:11-12 “For this commandment which I command you this day is not too hard for you, nor too far away. It is not in heaven, [such as] to say “Who will go up for us to heaven and bring it to us and make us hear it so that we may do it?”

[2] Deut. 30:13 “Neither is it in the ocean, [such as] to say “Who will go over the sea and bring it to us and make us hear it so that we may do it?”

[3] Prov. 6:2 “You are ensnared by the words of your mouth, utterly entrapped by the words of your mouth.”

[4] Deut. 29:19-28. There is a reminder of all the terrible things that are to be done to those who do not follow God’s law. Here a connection is drawn between the subduing of the wayward that is external and the subduing of the wayward that is internal. Both are described at length throughout the book of Deuteronomy.

[5] Exod. 6:12 “I am of uncircumcised lips!”

[6] Deut. 30:6 “And the Lord your God will circumcise your heart/mind (‘lev’)

[7] Deut. 30:19 “I call upon heaven and earth to witness against you this day, that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse; choose life…”

[8] Exod. 20:14 “And all the people heard the voices [of the thunder] and the lightning…”

[9] See the first blessing of the traditional morning blessings, Birkot Hashahar.

[10] Ezek. 36:26 “I will give you a new heart, and I will place a new spirit inside of you; and I will take away the heart of stone from your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh.”

[11] See the prayer from the Shabbat and holiday morning service “Nishmat Kol Hai” (“The soul of all living things praises you”) and the line “If only my mouth were filled with words like an ocean”.

[12] Deut. 34:5. An allusion to Moses who died “by the word of God”, but could be interpreted as a kiss / by the mouth of God.