Sample Critical Incident Report

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1.     Incident

I have noticed that Judy and Lenny Kaplan have not been attending services regularly as required (Jason is being bar mitzvahed next October). I have only seen them at shul twice; otherwise they drop Jason off, and he gets a ride home with the Rosens.

After the kiddush, I saw Lenny. I went up and greeted him. I told him I was glad to see him and that I was happy with Jason's preparation, but that he and Judy were not meeting their end of the bargain about coming to Shabbat services. Lenny got furious!! He said something like “Don't you dare speak to me like that!! You cancel meetings all the time!!” (I had to reschedule with Jason twice.) “Who the hell are you to make demands on me? Do you think I am some yeshiva boy or something?” I said, with sarcasm, “I can see what kind of a sense you have of bar mitzvah, Mr. Kaplan.” He said, “Are you telling me I'm not a good Jew?” His voice was rising. Judy, who had been nervously watching from a few feet away said, “Lenny, let's talk to the 'real rabbi' about this,” and pulled him away. I turned to look for you but couldn't find you.

2.     Analysis

I have no idea what Lenny was so angry about (maybe that I canceled two appointments?). I think I probably got angry and then spoke out of anger. I suppose it would have been better to pull him aside and try to calm him down. But still I had to say something about not coming to shul.

3.     My major question

What do we do when a family reneges on its obligations? Are there any consequences when they don't meet their obligations? Also, how do I deal with it when someone is this angry in public?

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